An important, yet demanding role

A natural caregiver, whether it’s a partner, child, friend, or another family member, provides emotional and practical support to someone with a chronic illness. This role, which is part of the care team, comes with new responsibilities, often rewarding but demanding. Natural caregivers may experience various emotions such as joy, fear, anxiety, frustration, and sadness, and may also adjust their lifestyle accordingly.

Each patient experiences the illness differently. The progression of the disease may also vary from one patient to another. Therefore, the natural caregiver must adapt to the patient’s needs.

As a caregiver, you may be required to:

• Listen and discuss with your partner without judgment
• Coordinate medical appointments
• Provide transportation
• Discuss with the medical team
• Keep the family and loved ones informed
• Plan finances
• Provide emotional support

What you may feel and what can help

Examples of coping mechanisms

It is completely normal to experience both positive and negative emotions. For negative emotions, it is common to feel anxious, frustrated, sad, guilty, and powerless. Also, it is normal to cry. Crying helps relieve tension, so don’t prevent yourself from doing so. Each person has their own emotional reaction to these new challenges you are facing. Some coping mechanisms may include:

• Practicing relaxation, with deep breathing or meditation techniques
• Staying active daily
• Adopting a healthy lifestyle – good nutrition, sufficient rest
• Sharing your emotions with a trusted person
• Taking time for yourself and engaging in activities you enjoy
• Keeping a journal to write down your feelings
• Asking for help from your support network
• Appreciating all the precious moments that life brings you.

Forming a support network

Upon the diagnosis of prostate cancer, it is important to form a support network for the patient. This network should include people who can provide you, if needed, with emotional and practical support.

• Recruit them from your close friends and immediate family members, people you have established a trusting relationship with.
• Additionally, to avoid overwhelming the patient with your fears and anxieties, you must develop your own support network.
• Have someone to confide in and rely on at all times. Don’t isolate yourself.

Learning about prostate cancer

Inform yourself about prostate cancer as much as possible. This will help you feel more in control of the situation, facilitate discussions with healthcare professionals, and thus, assist your loved one in making more informed decisions regarding their cancer. It is important that your information search is done from reliable and valid sources.

Relying on communication

Maintaining good communication is essential. Look into the eyes of the person you are speaking to, nod to indicate that you are listening, and ask questions when things are not clear. Talk about how you feel. This will help you both get some of the emotional support you need. It can also help resolve some issues related to the new diagnosis. Sometimes, there is no right or wrong answer; only listening can greatly help.

Providing emotional support

As a caregiver, you will be one of their main sources of comfort and emotional support. You can have a positive impact by respecting their autonomy and need to be alone sometimes while letting them know you are there when needed. You can offer to accompany your loved one to doctor’s appointments, tests, or treatment. If they seem receptive to the idea of your presence, you can:

• help by taking notes and asking questions during appointments;
• prepare a folder with all their medical information, including a list of medications.

You can also gather information from healthcare professionals about treatment options and potential side effects for each treatment. It is important to know that, in general, men are less likely to talk about their health problems and fears.

That being said, discussing your concerns, frustrations, or need for support with your partner is equally important. This will help maintain a healthy relationship throughout this journey. Seeking advice, alone or with your partner, can help you if you are overwhelmed or need to talk to someone else.

Seek help, do not stay alone

Asking for help is a learned skill. As a caregiver, you give selflessly and help your loved one to improve their quality of life. Accepting help is showing empathy towards yourself, it’s preserving your balance. It requires reconnecting with yourself and listening to your needs. It also means recognizing and accepting your limits. This can be quite challenging when you are fully focused on your loved one. Don’t wait to ask for help. From the beginning of the journey, it’s important to know what resources are available to you. Even if you don’t need it immediately, knowing that help is available will reassure you.

Try not to feel guilty

As a caregiver, it’s normal to feel guilty at times. This feeling usually arises when there’s a mismatch between our values and our behaviors. It can occur due to an action, a word, or even the omission of an action. This feeling alerts us and indicates that we need to find a balance between our needs and our obligations. To transform your sense of guilt, you need to change your perspective on the situation. For example, you can say no, take time for yourself, express your emotions, delegate certain tasks, or consult a support professional.